Lakers + Pajama Jeans? It could happen. Oh, wait, no it couldn’t.
Surprising news broke yesterday that the Sacramento King’s home arena will no longer be going by the name “Arco Arena.” The new name? “Power Balance Arena.”
While this is odd on several fronts (namely good taste and team branding), perhaps the most surprising thing is that the
charlatans people making those snake oil-esque Power Balance bracelets have enough money to please the Maloofs (owners of the Sac-town Kings).
We’ll grant that the Kings, judging by the team’s last-place 8W & 27L record this season, could surely use some of the power and balance that the bracelets are purported to provide.
In any case — so long as the NBA is A-O-K with “As Seen on TV”-style sponsorships, here are seven other sponsorships we’d like to see.
1. MightyFixIt Coliseum—”Fix, Seal, and Repair anything!” Even the permanently hapless L.A. Clippers!
2. Bacon Wave Stadium—Bacon’s Good! And kind of trendy! The Cleveland Cavaliers aren’t! Come and eat away the pain of losing King James!
3. One Second Needle Center—Because the games will suck, so you may as well get some sewing done when you’re watching the Minnesota Timberwolves, whether at the arena or at home.
4. Head On Coliseum—Apply directly to the forehead! Apply directly to the forehead! Apply directly to the forehead! (And you’ll still feel the pain, since the product is about as effective at curing headaches as the Golden State Warriors are at running a play)
5. Chia Pet Center—Just think of the product tie-ins when the Washington Wizards are sponsored by Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia! You think Nick Spencer’s hair-do is pretty crazy? Wait until fans can grow their own, on customized Chia heads! (43 points last night! Dude is for real!)
6. Air Hogs Arena—The New Jersey Nets have the lowest average attendance this year—you might need a camera-equipped, remote control helicopter toy to fly around the arena, searching for fans.
7. Pajama Jeans Center—Style! Glamor! Who else but the L.A. Lakers could be sponsored by Pajama Jeans, the pajamas that look like super stylish jeans? You won’t fall asleep watching the games, because the Lakers are always exciting. But you could if you wanted to.