Five Fictional Items That Need to Be Real Now

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Have you ever read a book or seen a movie that introduced some magical or fictional item that you just wanted to be real so badly? Sometimes you see things that would make life so much easier . . . . As such, I cannot be completely happy until the below items transition from fake to fact:

1. Replicators (Star Trek):
Replicators are machines that basically can make whatever you want as long as it knows what their molecular structure is. The principal is that whatever mechanism these machines use is able to pull the requisite subatomic material from wherever in the universe, and create a thing out of it. Mostly you see it used for food and drink (“Tea. Earl Grey. Hot”– Captain Picard), but replicators can make anything that is made out of matter, but it can’t make living things or the complicated fuels that space ships run on (conveniently for the sake of suspenseful plots).

We must have this. While I don’t like to have a lot of stuff, I constantly get tired of the stuff I have. If I had a replicator, then I could change my wardrobe whenever I wanted. If I was trying on shoes and couldn’t find the perfect ones, I could make them. If I was looking at a particularly disorganized area of the room, poof! I could immediately have the necessary storage. And think of how efficient it would be. Designers would no longer actually make products. They would simply make the designs and one working prototype. Then they would sell the molecular structure and the items would only be created as consumers actually wanted them. We really need this. I urge you physics geniuses to get off your asses and please create this as soon as possible.

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Image: Public Domain; from Mrs. Beeton’s Book of Needlework

2. Hermione’s Purse (Harry Potter):
If you are a man, you may be thinking you can skip this one (ed. note: or D&D dorks, you can just refer to it as a the much manlier “bag of holding”), but really everyone needs one of these. It doesn’t have to look like a purse. It could look like a manly bag or something. The point is, that here is a cute little beaded handbag that is magically able to hold everything you want to put in it. In this tiny little purse that is small enough to fit in a sock, you can hold your entire wardrobe, a library, blankets, pillows, a chair, your entire Criterion collection and a DVD player, and your extensive board game collection. Or what have you.

Road trips are a breeze, just toss your purse in the car and off you go. Not only do you never need to check luggage again, you never even need to deal with those blasted overhead bins either. This might be a little awkward going through an x-ray machine, as you’d have to explain why there are thousands of things in your tiny little bag, but other than that I can see no down sides.

3. The Gadgetmobile (Inspector Gadget):

The Gadgetmobile may be a crime-fighting automobile, but think of the more domestic possibilities. It is perfect for an urban driving scenario. For one thing, it can be a van or a car, so you could have a big car if you really need it, but a small car when you don’t. It’s virtually indestructible, so need to worry anymore about all those dents and dings you accumulate from city parking situations and other hazardous every day driving scenarios. Best of all, this car has multiple tools for dealing with traffic or just plain annoying drivers. If you’re stuck in a jam, just extend the wheels! The car will raise up in the air, allowing you to drive over everyone else and laugh as you casually make your way home. It is also equipped with smoke screens, laughing gas, the ability to drop tacks behind it or set off a glue rocket, and a claw on the front.

All of these are things that are really useful when dealing with inconsiderate drivers. That extendable claw makes for an especially antagonistic middle finger.

4. The Hypertime Watch (Clockstoppers):
There is no reason to know about the movie Clockstoppers if you are over the age of 11 except to know about this watch, which I need more than anything in the world. Clockstoppers is a Nickelodeon movie starring some kids but the important thing about it is that it is about a watch that can essentially stop time, except for the person wearing it. Basically, the explanation is that your molecules speed up to the point where everyone else appears to be standing still, and you just move super fast.

I have always wanted something like this. The number one thing is … you could sleep as much as you want and never lose any time! You could, for once, get absolutely everything done in a day that you need to and never lose any free time! If there was some where you wanted to get into that you normally couldn’t, just stop time and sneak past and you’re in! The only downside is that you continue to age at the same rate while everyone else is slowed down, so if you use it a lot, you’ll age quickly. Luckily, in the movie they simply invent a corresponding machine to remedy that! Since the one big problem was already taken care of during the course of the movie, I see no reason why we couldn’t do the same in real life.

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Image: by Durova

5. The Box Of Lost Things (????!):
Oh, sweet irony — I’m confident I read about the Box of Lost things — where your missing items all end up — yet I’ve completely lost track of where it came from. Had I this wonderful artifact, I would simply open up the box and the book that introduced me to the concept would be sitting there, waiting for me.

It could have originated from any one of the slew of library books I was checking out around age 10 or 11. A book about children living with some magical relative; the children get a box that you can look in, and any small objects that you have lost turn up there.

So that problem of having only one sock suddenly? Solved. Can’t find your keys? Solved. No need to spend 35 minutes turning the house upside down when you’re already running late, just check in the box. The only thing you have to be really, really careful about is not to lose the box–which I would surely do.

(If you know what book this is from, please let me know [e-mail editor at osmosis-online.com], it’s driving me nuts.)

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