Kanye West Needs a Taylor SWIFT Kick in the Ass

kanye-huge-head-taylor-swift

I never watch the VMA’s. Russell Brand might be hot (in that dirty/sexy way), but he’s not all that funny and I can get all the highlights on YouTube the next day so what’s the point? However, Sunday night Kanye “prententious2thextreme” West really out-douched himself.

Taylor Swift isn’t really my thing. Her music does litter my iTunes because girlfriend knows how to pen a good breakup song . . . but she’s still annoying. She just seems really clingy and way too wholesome. But, hey, she’s making bank and I’m not, so my haterade might be fueled by jealousy. Who knows? However, no one deserved what Kanye did to cute and innocent little Taylor on Sunday. For those five of you out there that didn’t see it, Taylor won her first VMA ever and when she went up to accept it and make her saccharine acceptance speech, the big, bad Kanye stormed onstage, stole her mic, and loudly proclaimed that Beyonce should have won in that category.

The camera instantly panned to a mortified Beyonce and, after Kanye finished his impromptu speech, there was this awkward tension. Poor Taylor just stood there looking like that girl who gets asked to prom as a joke. It was simultaneously Carrie-esque and heartbreaking. MTV got the subtle hint and quickly cut to a montage as Taylor was escorted offstage while holding back tears that could probably cure all forms of disease with their purity.

This whole debacle only made me think one thing. Why is Kanye West still relevant? It’s like that episode of “Friends” where Ross constantly talks about his music and “his craft” when in reality he plays bad synth techno on a keyboard. That’s essentially Kanye in a nutshell. He creates plain red shoes for Louis Vuitton and he’s considered a visionary. Why? For knowing his primary colors? The more he fusses with his image, the douchier he becomes. Oh, by the way, his new haircut resembles crop circles and it’s not unique, it’s stupid. The guy is just one giant toolshed and it’s sad that he’s oblivious to it.

After the VMA mess, he issued an “apology” on his official blog (which mysteriously vanished), but if anyone ever apologized to me like that, I’d be inclined to hit him. It was more of a bout with non-verbal Tourette’s syndrome. He just jumbled some words together, put them in caps, and called it an apology. I have never come across such a large, self-inflated ego. However, the skeptic in me wonders if MTV staged this little outburst. It wouldn’t be the first time they’ve tried to make the vapid ceremony more entertaining and it has generated a lot of buzz and water cooler chatter but I will let you all be the judge of that. I personally still like to think that Kanye sucks.

However, he wasn’t the only one to lose it this week. Serena Williams threw a complete hissy on the courts when she told one of the line judges that she would shove a ball down her throat (but I mean, it’s probably just the raging testosterone talking) and Joe Jackson was…still Joe Jackson.

Bottom line: don’t be an ass because it’s not nice and it makes people hate you. I guess Kanye skipped that lesson in Kindergarten.

Alisa Averbukh is a freelance writer on her way to NYC . . . eventually. Read more of her musings here.

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3 comments for “Kanye West Needs a Taylor SWIFT Kick in the Ass

  1. April 17, 2010 at 2:48 pm

    Taylor Swift is a totally talented performer. I have all of her albums.

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